3.12.2009

You Might Be an Asshole....

In an effort to make the world a better place to exist for all of us, here are some signs that you might be an asshole. If you fit any of these scenarios then don't despair because knowing you're an asshole is the first step to making a change to not being an asshole.

If you routinely flip people off in traffic then you might be an asshole.
If you tag along with the car in front of you at a four way stop sign (i.e. don't wait your turn like everyone else) then you might be an asshole.
If I can hear your shitty music from a hundred feet away inside my house at midnight then you might be an asshole.
If you drive like you're racing in a Grand Prix then you might be an asshole.
If you cut me off getting on to the highway only to go five miles an hour under the speed limit then you might be an asshole.
If you drive a white pick up truck then you might be an asshole (trust me on this, not all but a very, very high percentage of people driving white pick up trucks drive like complete fucktards, Lujza's husband excepted).
If you stand in front of the Red Box DVD rental for twenty minutes, just flipping back and forth, while someone is waiting behind you to just return a movie then you might be an asshole. Or you may just be oblivious to the existence of other people in the universe.
If you regularly go to the Express Check Out lane with obviously more than the 8 or 10 or 15 item limit then you are an asshole.
If you wait to start writing your check to pay for your groceries until after they've all been tallied up and there's a long line of people behind you then you might be an asshole.
If you park in a handicapped zone "for just a minute" when you are not handicapped then you might be an asshole.
Update:
You might be an asshole if you make an incredibly stupid and dangerous merge and then wave at the people you nearly just killed.

That's all I've got for now, do you have any litmus tests for assholes to apply to their behavior in an effort to inform them to their character shortcomings so that they can try to improve and become better citizens of the universe? Let me hear them in the comments.
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