8.06.2008

Adrift

[This was written last weekend during a pretty unpleasant period of frustration. I've decided to post it because the emotions are real even if they are currently in my rear view mirror and receding more rapidly. My current mood is nowhere near as dark and forlorn though I can recall how it feels readily.]

I am adrift on a sea of impatience and frustration. I am stuck between a rock and a mortgage. I am underwater, sinking.

I am tired of being tired.
I am tired of being envious.
I am tired of having a hair trigger temper.
I am tired of my dog ignoring commands unless I am pissed off.
I am tired of my children ignoring me until I raise my voice.
I am tired of my older son biting my younger son.
I am tired of my younger son baiting and pushing my older son's buttons.
I am tired of the world not recognizing my brilliance and rewarding me accordingly.
I am tired of getting paid so little.
I am tired of struggling.
I am tired of knowing how well off others are.
I am tired of reading about how fan-fucking-tastic other people's lives are.
I am tired of being the last to bed and the first one awake.
I am tired of the asshole up the street who plays his drums, badly, way too often.
I am tired of the idiot yap dog across the street that barks for hours upon hours at a time.
I am tired of the fireworks still being shot off in my neighborhood every night more than a month after Independence Day.
I am tired of feeling like a pauper.
I am tired of not being able to live where I want.
I am tired of not being able to do what I want.
I am tired of feeling grateful to still have a job that doesn't pay me enough to pay my bills.
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