12.05.2006

Further Dispatches from EgoCo

Note: These posts about EgoCo may or may not reflect actual events that may or may not have actually occurred at an actual company. For reasons of covering my ass, you can consider this fiction or maybe fictionalized reality. Either way, there are no names, no company names and, hopefully, no way of connecting the stories posted here with any existing entity. That's for a reason.

In this episode, natural attrition followed by spot firings.

Last episode covered the unnatural death of a stupid conference being put on by EgoCo that they had no business doing because they had no competency in the space they were trying to get into.

It remains to be seen if the next conference actually happens but I don't want to get ahead of myself.

People come and people go, its the nature of business. The turnover rate in a small shop like EgoCo is extraordinary and remarkable. At one point, one of the folks working there had counted no less than 18 people passing through the doors in the span of a single year. In a company of 14, when they are running fat, and 12 when they're running lean, 18 is an insane number of people by any stretch of reality. At one point, when I was still laboring there, I had a phone list for the company that I'd had since my first year. All but two names had been crossed off the list, my boss and mine. Every single other people had either been canned or left, usually in abject disgust even if they had the tact to not come right out and give that as a reason for departing.

During my nearly four years there, I'd estimate that close to 40 people had been hired and fired or left. Astonishing numbers really.

Sometimes the attrition was because the leaver was moving on to better things, hell unemployment was a better thing. But really, sometimes the person quitting was actually moving to another job and was following their career trajectory. Sometimes they just left because they couldn't bear the thought of another day under the baleful glare of the EgoCo CEO, the Chief Ego Officer and VP of Pride.

Anyway, one of my friends had given her notice. She'd had enough of the painfully uncomfortable working environment, she'd had enough of working her ass off and still not making ends meet, she'd had enough of three different bosses telling her three different things about the same piece of work (remember the scene in Office Space where Peter talks about having eight managers? like that, only real). She had had enough. So she gave her two weeks notice.

And she knew something was up when all three were being sweet as candy to her, no ferocious backlash, no nothing except some creepy personal questions about where she was going and why. In the year plus that she'd been there the CEO had never once inquired about her personal life so this was a first and it creeped her out really. This is like a shark asking you where you live so she can come by and eat your children.

After the first week, she knew what was up because not only did they PR guy get fired out of hand for absolutely no reason but the office manager was similarly fired for no reason. Two hands tossed and that's when things got weirder because one of the bosses said that they'd "talk" on the following Monday.

We talked over the weekend which is how I came to know all of this. The PR guy had blown out his knee and had been working remotely but had recently started to come back into the office to work again, he thought he was doing a good job and thought that he was appreciated for his efforts. But the Chief Ego Officer resented having him telecommute and certainly resented having to pay him any money, she resented having to pay anyone any money. Except herself, of course, because she was the only one who ever did any real work, of course.

Come Monday, the skinny was that they wanted my friend, who was in the last five days of working for them, to take on the PR guy and the office manager's duties for a wee bump in pay. Hmmm, take on three jobs for a small increase in pay? What a bargain. I don't know how she was able to decline.

And that, my friends, is another chapter from good ol' EgoCo. Maybe not the juiciest stupidity but it is real stupidity, not that fake crap they make in China.

The recap? They fired two people and expected someone who'd already given their two weeks notice to stay on and do their jobs for a couple of thousand bucks extra on their salary. Go, EgoCo! Go right to flippin' hell!

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