I Like Watching Microsoft Fail, Does That Make Me a Bad Person?

I just read Andy Inhatko's "review" of Microsoft's shit brown music player, the Zune. The summary, the Zune is bad enough to evoke a sort of pity because it sucks so royally.

But it does remind that my own iPods are getting a little long in the tooth and might be looking at an upgrade before too long. I'd like one of them fancy color screen video player models. But mostly so I can load up and play Doom on it.

Microsoft could have hit this out of the park, they could have come in with the real iPod killer mp3 player/recorder/camera/etc.

What features does the iPod killer media player have anyway?
Here's my list: An open OS, open media formats, immersive video out, bluetooth, wifi and not only FM but AM, shortwave, police and CB radios, the ability to record any and all transmissions. What did I miss? Cell-phone networking so callers hear the music you're listening to instead of a ring. Holographic projection for 3d video conferencing. A light saber. Definitely a phaser, usually set to stun but occasionally cranked up to kill just to let people know you're serious. Um, that would about do it. But hey, why not a PS3 built-in too.

Of course, doing all that would make the sucker worth about ten thousand bucks so it would have to have self defense capabilities to repel muggings and pick pockets. Maybe just a force field that numbs body parts "caught" inside the perimeter when its turned on. And, since we're pretty well beyond any reasonable conjecture anyway, how about a jet pack too? Put it into a special boot holster and fly away. Okay, now I'm done.

Unless it can also shoot a beam that turns people into the animal their personality most closely resembles.

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