6.21.2005

Big Car Driving Dumbfucks

You know what's really not going to elicit much sympathy? When big fat people are complaining about how much it costs to fill up their big fat SUVs. Boo-hoo, you drive a friggin' rolling tank and now you want 40 miles a gallon too? Are you completely and totally unaware of the laws of reality? Does the concept of inertia totally slip right by you without even so much as a hint of comprehension? How about the reasons why it costs more in energy to keep a larger mass moving than a smaller mass? No?

Okay, here's this then. You drive a huge rolling hunk of steel. I ride a much smaller hunk of steel that's faster, more efficient, more agile and cannot haul forty-two bags of groceries. My bike costs, at most, $14 to fill up and gets somewhere between 40 and 50 miles a gallon while allowing me to laugh at DFS (dead fucking stop) traffic by slipping between the lanes. You get to sit and fume as your already awful mileage goes down more and more by sitting and idling in traffic and squeeze out 15 miles a gallon, if you're lucky, to haul your big fat ass around. It costs you at least three times as much to go the same distance and takes you three times as long. Who's the idiot?

How about this? How about giving people who drive rolling warehouses tickets for not using the vehicles more intelligently? Why not give them an under-occupied ticket and force them to use some of that space to transport people instead of their own chili-cheese expanded backsides?

Or better yet, legislate ridiculous road hog, gas sucking, ego-stroking SUVs off the damned road altogether? No wait, how about demonstrate the need for an oversized SUV before being allowed to purchase one? Or would that be too much like communism for our red blooded, self-esteem-challenged red neck comrades?
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