Links from the Intertubes!

What Does the Internet Think - get an answer about what the internet thinks about anything you care to ask it. A cool rough polling system.
20 Reasons to Ditch Soda - they had me at "a 21-year-old woman, drank up to three liters of cola a day and complained of 'fatigue, appetite loss and persistent vomiting.'”
Someone’s gone and hacked a “don’t worry be happy” Billy Bass fish to read out tweets…
Five Reasons Parents Need to Stop Saying "Good job" to Their Kids - can you say "praise junkie?", I thought you could.
10 hot news items you might've missed: Damned atheists, quivering seamen, perverted iPod
Stand Up for Health Care Reform - via the LiveStrong Foundation. The campaign centers around two main tenets:
No American should be denied health insurance coverage because of pre-existing conditions.
No American should lose their insurance due to changes in health or employment.
Labels: health, healthcare, internets, links, raising children
A Walk in the Woods
It is always good to slow down, look around and really enjoy the pretty spectacular world that we are lucky enough to inhabit.
It took a while to get everyone ready to go, with the exception of Nande who was ready by the time she'd stood up. We packed a bunch of snacks, drinks and camera gear. Got dressed, hunted for shoes and socks for the boys since they've been in sandals most of the summer. Grady wanted to wear his red rubber rain boots but I talked him out of it as he'd have ended up with nasty blisters and super stinky feet.
We parked at the Safeway as I normally do and held hands across the street leading to the trail head. The boys were excited, Nande was thrilled to be out and it just felt good to be out doing fun stuff with my family. And, oh yeah, the weather had gone from cloudy and overcast to bright, sunny and beautiful which never hurts.
Here's Nande at the end of the hike, still playing, still full of energy and having a great time splashing around in the water. I think she's going to be a perpetual puppy even when she's ten. I actually picked up this rock and heaved it for her, Nande ran under it and glanced off the side of her head. Didn't make her miss a step, I commented that her head is probably harder than the rock.There weren't too many people out in the forest today but enough so that my boys got to interact with some other kids, Nande got to sniff some dog butt and I had ample time to take some photos and enjoy my wife's company along with my kid's.
It really was a great day and I'm looking forward to more of the same.
Labels: family, hiking, raising children
The Immediacy of Children
Also, note, availability has nothing to do with the parent doing something or otherwise being occupied. It has everything to do with being near enough for shouts for aid being hearable.
We joined a number of people from Grady's preschool class at a program today called Together in the Park. Its a semi-organized gathering in area parks and includes activities, storytime and socialization for both the kids and the parents. It also does a pretty solid job of wearing out the wee one's batteries so that naps are more likely to occur.
Towards the end of the couple of hours we spent there this morning, Grady scrapped his thumb. Enough to remove a bit of skin off his knuckle and cause him to start screaming in pain. This is a kid with a pretty high tolerance for pain so I was pretty sure it hurt like a bugger. And he pretty much demanded all of my attention in trying to make him feel better. Luckily (or just good planning), we had a tube of Neosporin in the car and I was actually able to put a dab on his thumb. This is actually indicative of how much it hurt because Grady is usually very, very strongly against any sort of medicine to help him feel better, no band aids either.
It took a few minutes for the pain killer in the ointment to take away the stinging pain but it eventually did its job and Grady calmed down enough for the ride home. He did ask several times to make sure the band aid was the first thing we were doing when we got home.
No epiphanies here, just a day in the life with a couple of kids and how they sometimes require everything else to take a backseat so that their ouchies can get the attention they deserve.
Labels: raising children
Five Years Ago Today
It was five years ago today that our lives changed forever. Today is the day that Graydon was born. I have a hard time believing my little dude is five already but he is and he's an amazing and wonderful guy.Our birthday plans are pretty low key since its also the 4th of July weekend and there are all kinds of other festivities in the works. But we will be having a birthday party for him soon.
In the meantime, we're playing, we're making messes (and learning that cleaning them up is important) and enjoying each other's boisterous company as much as possible.
This afternoon there will be cake baking and a small celebration just for our little family. And I like to tell Grady that all the fireworks being blown up tomorrow are all in celebration for him as well.
Labels: happy birthday, raising children
Blue-Eyed Choco-Monster
Apr 2, 2009
Hold Back or Push Ahead?
Intellectually he's very ready. He's started reading now and knows his numbers quite well. He has made some rather poignant observations about things around us, can comprehend abstract concepts and loves making up jokes. He also has a really fun scientific curiosity streak (he's taken it upon himself to see how freezing things work, he checks his little pots with plants in them every morning, etc.). He is, as every parent will tell you, smart as a whip.
Emotionally though, he may not be ready for the structure. He's a bit wild still, has a hard time staying focused on tasks at hand, has a difficult time listening to and following instructions and sometimes just wants to be contrary for being contrary's sake.
Physically, he's a very high energy little guy who will have no problems keeping up with anyone. He's fast, he's got very good eye hand coordination and he's got a pretty good arm for throwing balls.
His birthday is in July and he'll be turning five so he'd be about the right age. Our thinking is that we will hold him back a year, let him mature a little more while we keep teaching him at home and he can start kindergarten next year. I'd rather he have every opportunity to excel and feel good about himself than push him into school before he's really ready to go.
I'd be interested to hear from other parents or educators about their thoughts on when to start a child in school and how you knew it was the right or wrong time.
Labels: raising children, school
Ninja Hands
I told him that I was going to snatch the hiccups out of him the next time he hiccuped. I rested my hand on the corner of his mouth and waited. When he next hiccuped I snapped my hand and tried to catch it. I told him I missed the first time but would try extra hard on the next one.
And when he hiccuped, I grabbed it, told him that I think I'd gotten it and then threw the hiccups away.
And Sully's hiccups were gone. And, about two minutes later, he was fast asleep.
So be careful, I've totally got ninja hands that are fast enough to snatch a flying hiccup!
Labels: hiccups, raising children
My 3 Year Old Demands His Independence
In fact, his most often used expression these days is "I do it myself, poppa!" followed closely by "I win!"
And he's gotten astonishingly good at manipulating the Tivo to get his programs on. It might be time to turn on the Kid Controls to protect our recordings because, while he may think he knows what he's doing, he sometimes just keeps pressing buttons until the right thing happens.
But boy, oh boy is he a proud little boy when he does succeed.
Labels: raising children
Short Tour Wrap Before Bed
Grady and I, along with thousands of others, braved the cold, wind and rain today to enjoy the Amgen Tour of California as it made its way from Sausalito down to Santa Cruz. Fearing missing the excitement, we got out onto Empire Grade above UCSC by around 11:30 this morning. And waited. It rained for an hour or so. Then stopped and we waited some more. And then it rained some more.
Every once in a while an Amgen festooned vehicle would come tearing by, lights flashing, horn honking and everyone along our little stretch of the road, all twenty or thirty of us, would get up, get ready and then get disappointed.
The cyclists ended up starting to come through at about a quarter to two. We were smart and I'd turned the Escape around to face the oncoming riders so that we could effectively camp out in the back hatch with it open to avoid most of the rain. And Grady and I played games together, ate snacks, told jokes and took pictures of other stuff while we waited. Grady also had fun kicking gravel into the rain runoff, so much so that he's probably ruined his new(ish) shoes.
When the cyclists did come ripping through, they were proceeded by support cars, police cars, motorcycle cops and photographers on the backs of other motorcycles. And they blazed through even though we were at the top of a pretty good sized hill.
As they tore by, I snapped pictures, shot video from a tripod on the deck in the back of the car and made sure Grady didn't go wandering out into traffic. I had both my big-boy camera, the Canon XTi, and my new SX110. I think I may have ended up opting for the 110 to replace my SD1100 because of today and the desire to zoom in.
Either way, I got some good photos, including Lance!, shot some good video footage and had a good time spending so much time alone with Grady.
My favorite (and recorded) moment occurred after the first big peleton can ripping through with all of its support cars and excitement. Grady appears on the far right of the video, watching, smiling and digging it. After the last car goes by, he turns towards the camera and says, not once but twice, "That was awesome, poppa!"
And it was awesome.
Here's my photo set from the day. I'll probably add a few more as we move forward. I'm currently working on getting the videos converted into a more usable format.
Labels: california, cycling, rain, raising children
Your Mildly Odd Visual of the Day
But, because I was in the shower with him and obstructing the water flow, he had to look for a place where the water was running off of me. And, being a man, one of the natural places for this to happen is my cock.
So, Sully kept holding his cap up under my penis to collect the water.
Labels: raising children, visual
Further Processing of Positive Discipline
Not necessarily in order of importance, here are some additional thoughts.
Parents talk at their kids too much rather than engage in a conversation with their children. And the kids learn to tune it out very quickly and just wait for the yapping to stop. It is unproductive to just talk at a child, especially a young child (under the age of 3 or so). For one, they don't have the capacity to "get it" and for two, you are training them to pretend to pay attention when they are not. And for three, put yourself in their shoes, would you take the lecture to heart or would you tune it out?
The use of the "Naughty Chair" is detrimental to the development of self-esteem and should be thrown on the trash heap of failed child raising concepts. What do you think a child forced to sit on the naughty chair is thinking about? What got them there? Or whether they are a bad child?
Finger wagging has never been effective.
One important thing to do is to mean what you say and follow through. If you tell your warring children in the car that you're going to pull over and wait for them to stop and you do not do it then you are teaching them that you are either a liar or weak, neither of which will help them.
The basic tenets of the concepts are Don't Tell, Ask and Be Kind and Firm. Also add no rewards, no punishments and that every instance of acting out is an opportunity for you both to learn how to effectively address, deal with and resolve the problem.
The same concepts of Positive Discipline for children can be applied to other social interactions in your life. Such as, oh I don't know, your husband or wife, your boss, your sales team and your neighbors. The concepts do not, however, work on animals.
Labels: positive discipline, raising children
An Evening of Positive Discipline
If I had to sum up the evening in just a single short sentence it would be: Don't Tell, Ask. Meaning that we, as parents, spend far, far, far too much time telling our kids what to do, what they've done wrong, what's going to happen to them and why they need to eat, sleep, sit-up, don't touch, don't hit, don't this, don't that.
Positive interaction with a child can be easily achieved by empowering them, by asking them questions and making them think for themselves. Little Johnny got sent to the principal's office? Ask him what he could do to not have it happen again.
The guiding principle isn't lack of discipline, its a lack of punishment and rewards. The reasoning is that, while punishments and rewards do work in the short term they teach a child to avoid punishment and seek greater and greater rewards. It is short term win but long term fail.
There was some role playing to demonstrate how and why some methods of interaction push the child away and how to convert those interactions into opportunities to build up self-esteem.
I am still processing an awful lot of the information and we bought a book to read about it. But the overall gist of the program resonated quite well with me and the rest of the sold out crowd.
As a parent, we are faced with heading down a road without a roadmap, without signs and without AAA. Positive Discipline offers some quality guidance in helping to raise strong, smart and empowered people. And the world really needs more empowered people.
I will be writing more about the seminar and about the implementation of the practices as we move forward. The first up will be the creation of a Bedtime Routine board that will give us a visual roadmap of the steps we (the boys) need to do to get ready for bed.
I would highly recommend any parent having trouble or just wanting some extra help to look into Positive Discipline (yes, Lujza, this means you!).
Labels: positive discipline, raising children
What IS Normal Anyway?
The poster in this case has two teenaged daughters, 17 and 13, and they are both kind of mean and nasty to her a good chunk of the time right now. She is wondering whether it is normal to have moments of hating your own children.
My answer, and many others, is that yes, its normal. It isn't normal to hate your children all the time or stay up late plotting their public humiliation and downfall but yes, there are moments when they are being such horrible, horrible creatures that hate can surface.
I know my two boys aren't spiteful or malicious, yet. I know that they are having fun when they are being terrible little buggers. But the combination of tiredness, of feeling taken for granted, of waiting on them day and night, of wiping their dirty butts and dripping noses and their hyena-like laughter after dumping an entire glass of soda on the table, chair and floor can just momentarily overwhelm you. Or me.
It doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human.
And, I like to think, for every bad moment there are dozens of deeply endearing and wonderful beyond awesome with ecstasy whipped cream and jubiliation cherries on top moments. Like when Grady snuggles up to me on the couch and whispers "I love you, Poppa" or when he'll bring me something I've been looking for and say "Here you go, Poppa." Or when Sully runs up to me when I pick him up at daycare and throws his arms around me, wrapping his hands around my neck and nuzzling his face into me. And he will not let go.
Raising children is an exhausting rollercoaster of emotions with soaring highs and four-drink inducing lows. And it is, without a doubt, the hardest thing I've ever done or will do.
Labels: raising children
Kids and Wild Horses
Sully can be a handful to put down until he reaches that point and then he's as sweet as can be, all snuggly and asleep.
Until he wakes up and can't find his tete (pacifier) then he does a rather impressive imitation of an ambulance siren.
Labels: raising children, sleep
Thwarted
As in, I was thwarted from a good night's sleep by the rain pounding on the house and some stuffed up sinuses.
Or, I was thwarted from sleeping until my alarm clock went off because Sullivan woke up extra early and was downstairs helping himself to some breakfast (he's two and a half years old).
Or, I was thwarted from a peaceful start to the day because Sully had an enormous and nasty shit in his diaper (which is why he was awake so early).
Or, I was thwarted from staying out of the rain and cold this morning because I'd forgotten to take the trash up last night though it was raining harder then).
Or, I was thwarted from feeling decent about humanity when I heard the news that the scumfucks at AIG are going to give huge executive bonuses on yours and my bailout money. But, instead of calling them bonuses, they are calling them, "retention payments", I wish I were making that up.
I am tempted to thwart the rest of my day and go back home and get back in bed.
Isn't the word of the day fun?
No, not really. I think I'll make up for it by saying squat out loud a few times.
Labels: bailout, raising children, thwarted
Normal Left A Couple of Years Ago
While he was laying on the couch and I was getting coffee, he coughed a bit, sat up and looked like he was going to puke. Having nothing to catch the impending mess with, he vomited into my hand.
Normal and I used to know each other (not real well but well enough) but he hasn't come around in a long, long time. His younger siblings, Chaos, Mayhem and Nasty spend far too much time here.
Labels: raising children, sick
My Little Button Pushing Monkey Gets to Two
Sullivan was born the next day and will turn two friggin' years old tomorrow. To say that the kid is a pistol is an understatement.
The delight he takes in baiting his big brother and the twinkle he gets in his eye when he grabs the centerpiece toy from Grady and runs like only he can run. His grin gets even bigger when Grady chases him screaming. This happens pretty regularly but we are working on teaching Grady how to not react which will, hopefully, convince Sully to find another way to have fun.
Happy Birthday, Sullivan. May your next year see you find a wee bit of restraint and some way to take just the top edge off your scream (or you can choose to employ your scream less often, that would be alright too). Either way, you never fail to make me smile even when you're being a wicked little bugger.
Labels: birthday, raising children
In the Butt
You get little lead-in except the title: Girl In Trouble (Brother Caught Everything on Cam), which pretty much says it all. It made me laugh out loud, it made my wife laugh out loud and it might make you laugh out loud too. In the butt.
Can I say that I'm glad I have boys but I'm sure they'll be they're on special brand of hell when they hit their teens. In the butt.
Labels: in the butt, raising children
Beach Day in March
If ever there were a day to have a skim board, this was it. The beach seemed to go on for miles and miles. But the water was outrageously cold and not fun to be in at all. Even Grady wasn't into spending much time in it.
A good time was had by all, I think. I got to play with Nande and Graydon in the surf, Paula walked with Sully and they're all asleep now so I think I did my job reasonably well.
Labels: beach, raising children, sunshine
Conversations with Grady
Me: I want to sleep well and you know that Mommy and Daddy love you very, very much.
Grady: Thanks!
Nice to be appreciated!
Labels: raising children
My Son, The Dog
All of which is pretty funny and entertaining.
But last night took the cake. I made dinner for Nande and put it down for her. Grady came downstairs, saw Nande eating and immediately had to have a bowl of goldfish crackers to eat too. He took the bowl, put it on the floor next to Nande's and proceeded to eat out of it without his hands, like a dog. He even came up to me afterwards to get his after-dinner pet just like Nande does.
It was pretty darned hilarious.
Labels: funny, raising children
Role Models
Sullivan has Graydon to look up to and to pretend to be like. As a result, Sully is alot further along on some of his developmental abilities. He has a bunch of words he uses (and he says "Noooooo" in the sweetest way possible), he tries to climb up and jump off of the same stuff Grady does and is probably going to be tough as nails because of his brother's less tender lessons.
That and Sully looks to Grady for cues, about whether something is funny, whether the music is rockin' and when its time to jump up and down on the bed to Choo Choo Bugaloo (the correct answer is that it is ALWAYS time for Choo Choo Bugaloo). Not to say that Sully isn't his own person with his own things he likes, he definitely is his own man (or little boy). He looks up to his big brother but still knows what he likes. And he really likes turning on light switches, drinking (and spilling) water in our bed and apples (all fruits really but apples are one he asks for by name).
In some ways I identify with Sully better because I am a little brother too. But it doesn't really matter, I love my two little boys more than anything in the whole world.
Labels: raising children
Watching Trouble Brew
There are also two shoe lockers to stash shoes in. Most kids take off shoes and socks but some keep the socks on and wonder why they have such a hard time climbing up the structure.
Anyway, Grady usually finds a boy or girl near his age and near his temperament to pal up with and play. Which includes running in big circles, screaming and dancing in place. Sometimes while holding hands with the other child. Sully likes to get in the way, either by parking himself at the top of the slide or by immediately trying to reclimb the slide after he's gone down.
Sully likes being a nuisance these days. He delights in turning off the television again and again. And grabbing his brother's toys and running away with a big grin on his face. I call his affliction, little brother-itis, he may never grow out of it.
Anyway, the little boy Grady pal'ed up with today was a rather mischievous little three and a half year old. He and Grady got to chase each other all over the place, up and down the slide, on the back of the shark, sitting inside the giant clam. Good fun. For the most part.
The other little boy liked to push sometimes and I happened to look up from Sully to see him slapping a little girl not once or twice but a couple of quick times in succession. She immediately started crying and the boy got disciplined. But it appeared that there was a pattern of behaviour brewing in him that will need some straightening out.
But overall the trip was a great success made only better by a stop at the park on the way home to throw rocks into puddles and then go puddle stomping until Grady got his pants all wet and that was that.
Labels: rain, raising children
Enduring Nicknames
He delights in stepping off his big brother's bed into space, usually to be caught by his mom or dad but occasionally crashing down to the carpet below. His grin upon the successful planting of his face is pretty comical and I think he might be developing into a class clown sort of kid.
He loves showing off, loves trying to do what his big brother can do, delights in being an annoyance and really enjoys wrecking his big brother's very, very carefully arranged car scenes.
I just hope he eventually grows out of his need/desire to faceplant all the time so we can move on to a less ignominious nickname.
Labels: nickname, raising children
Today's New Word: Doubledygook
This is a fun game I play with my little boys all the time. Sully is just starting to speak and I'll parrot him to see if I can get him to repeat what he said.
For an 18 month old he's got a pretty decent vocabulary. So far my favorite saying of his is when he gets very proud of himself and proclaims "Big Boy!".
Labels: nwotd, raising children
I'M SLEEPING!
And he started screaming up a storm. At one point, he screamed at the top of his lungs, "I'M SLEEPING!"
And that was with just one little boy. My sister had another boy and I had two boys. Just now they were "laying down" for naps. The laying down consisted of jumping up and down and bashing the crib against the wall by shaking it, and delirious laughter, of course. Then they tried to outdo each other with squealing as loud as they could. And then it got really quiet.
Its the sudden quiet that makes me concerned. I took a peek and they were fine, just actually laying down and getting ready to fall asleep. But, of course, since I opened the door, they are back up and yapping and playing again.
I like when they play together but I really it when they nap at the same time.
Labels: raising children, sleeping
Baby Habits
Plus he's teething again as some of those back teeth start breaking through. He's like a 26 pound Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, sweet as can be one instant and screaming and punching the next. Luckily he does like his pacifier and that'll help drop the volume from screaming to moaning, usually.
Just tonight he climbed up on to the kitchen table and looked straight into Paula's eyes and then into mine and then he smiled. And if he gets no reaction then he moves on to the next activity.
He also seems to be well ahead of where Grady was at the same age. Mostly because he's got his big brother to emulate and chase and get knocked down by and steal his toys and food and taggies.
The best is when they are able to play together without one screaming at or about the other. It involves two of something, I know that much.
Labels: raising children
The Presumption of Under-Controll-ed-ness
Some good friends of mine are in the home stretch final month to have their first child, a little girl. They've been doing the classes and I think the reality of a pending baby is actually starting to settle in on my buddy. I'm pretty sure his wife has been on it it for awhile since she's carrying the package, as it were.And everytime I see them, I impart a bit of wisdom from my years of being a poppa. Something about mountains of diapers, not sleeping for a year or the wear-you-down style of assault crying that beats down any defenses over the course of hours and hours of crying. You know, the good stuff! But I do also try to balance it out with the joy beyond words that kids bring as well. That there is nothing that will ever compare to the first smile your baby gives you. Or the sweet, sweet gift that is a full and uninterrupted night of sleep.
Because we have been there, we have done (and are doing again) teething and sleepness nights full of rocking, cooing, praying and bargaining (I promise to believe in God if you'll go to sleep, etc.). And I thought we had things well under control. I presumed that we had things well in hand.
Sullivan is here to let me know just how out of control we really are. What a silly illusion our control was and is. He's been teething and fighting a cold that's exascerbated by the teething. And he slept, well, like shit last night. He was up at least three times, crying and requiring. At 2:30 this morning, I changed a big wet diaper and put him down again, he slept for a bit until about 5. Then got restless again.
It is a few minutes past 7 now and we're UP. Oh boy! And he's already been very demanding of food, drink and satisfaction. He is quick with a smile or a scream depending on his satisfaction.
My lesson is learned and I will not presume control that I do not have. Now please go back to sleep, Sully. Pretty please? No wait, its too late now, you'll just take a nap later this morning, how's that sound, boss?
Labels: control, raising children, teething
A Popsicle at the DriveIn
I derive such an amazing amount of joy from my two boys. When we wrestle together, they laugh long and loud and I can't help but join them. I will miss all of the time I've been able to spend with them once I start working regularly again.
Which means that I try to maximize our fun while I am still off. Not sure what we'll do today but I bet it'll be fun either way. I'm currently trying to get a ride along bike for Grady so Sully can ride up front in the Wee Ride and we can all go bicycling together. That will be super awesome!
Labels: children, photography, raising children
Hee-Larry-Us
Of course it doesn't come out quite like that, it sounds like, "Poppa, gotimeout!" and he has the most serious look on his face.
One of my other favorite things he says is in response to me telling him, "I love you Grady" and he will sometimes reply, "I love you, Poppa" and it is about the most heart warming thing you could ever imagine.
He also likes to declare that a particular route is now off limits and he'll stand in the way with his arms stretched out and a very serious look on his face.
Kids are more fun than I ever could have imagined, they are also incredibly tiring and frustrating sometimes. Like last night when he decided that shouting at full volume at the dinner table was not only alright but really, really fun. And then Sully joined in too.
Labels: funny, raising children
You Know You're a Parent When...
...you can be up and walking towards your kid's room before you're even fully awake.
...you know all of the characters on Sesame Street and their theme songs.
...you consider "Some Assembly Required" to be a challenge.
...you can change a diaper without even waking up.
...you catch yourself singing kid's music during the day.
...you think nothing of kissing a bloody scrape on your kid's knee.
...you have more kid's shows than anything else on your Tivo.
...you have learned how to fall asleep anywhere, even if just for a minute or two.
Labels: parenting, raising children
Battlefield Update from the War on Sanity
But early wakeups, screeching (Sully can't speak but boy o boy can he screech), whining, teasing, punching, biting and running away when its time to change nasty crap filled diapers takes its toll on even the most even-keeled parent. And I'm not even close to the most even-keeled parent.
Not that I don't try. I try incredibly hard to stay as patient as possible. But it is tough when you're sleep deprived and dealing with a toddler who can shatter glass with his piercing screeches.
My defense has been to get out and go for a long pedal, long enough to forget about the noise and cacophony awaiting my return to the house. I know that it won't last forever and that I'll look back on this time with nostalgia because my brain will gloss over the frustrating stuff and replace it with glowing memories. And, really, most of my time with my kids is a joy, it really is. But there comes those times when I need a break and there's just no break coming for a while.
And that's when I can feel my slippery grip on sanity easing its way out of my grasp and down the rabbit hole.
Labels: raising children, sanity


