6.25.2010

Things the New iPhone Doesn't Do

So yeah, I've had my new iPhone for a couple of days (and I didn't even have to camp out all night at an Apple store to get it) and love it. From its ultra-crisp screen (which makes looking at an older model like looking through fogged glass) to its snappy processor to the sweet ease of snapping a picture and then deciding to shoot video instead by just one little flick of the finger. It really is a beautiful and awesome little device. But it isn't perfect and there are a few things that it cannot do, yet as I'm sure someone's working on an App for all of these things.

So here we go with thing the new iPhone 4 cannot do...
- Can't brush your teeth
- Can't tell you when your breath is nasty enough to stun a charging bull elephant
- There seems to be no place to put my weed
- Still no damned laser pointer/lighter
- Not usable as a step stool
- No haptic sex toys to integrate with Facetime
- No fetching the paper (the dead trees one)
- No getting me another beer from the fridge
- No automatically calling me a cab when I've had four or five too many beers at the bar
- No imminent vomit alert mode
- No personal force field generator (works on rain drops AND bullets!)
- No flying carpet mode

On a slightly more serious note, I've also started using the passcode locking system. In the wake of the private information exposing nightmare that's been my wife losing her phone the other day, I can take an extra four seconds to enter in a code to access my phone. Just think about what would happen if someone happened on your iPhone without any security at all. Just think about the unmitigated access and possibilities they would have to either monkey with your life or straight up steal your identity. The passcode isn't fool proof but it is far, far better than nothing at all.

Come to think of it, I should probably put passcode lock protection on my laptop as well. There's even more sensitive info in this thing and its worth quite alot more (though really only about 2 1/2 times as much really).
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