Newt Gingrich - you lie and smear without even a passing glance at the truth and have the smarmiest BS attitude about it, as if your making up facts out of thin air should be above reproach. I think you might need a finger poke in the eyes too.
Sarah Palin - some might say you don't have balls but you do, metaphorical ones sure but balls none the less. How else could you rationalize (sorry, is that too big a word for you, Sarah?) your sound bite rhetoric while pocketing massive speaking fees and spreading misinformation and lies.
Manny Ramirez - your skills are in decline while your ego is blooming to ten times normal size. You are a clubhouse cancer and the only good thing about you now is that you are going to drag the Dodgers down with you. You had a bad year last year, marred by your suspension for using steroids. And the season hasn't even started and you're already saying stupid crap and making yourself look like a bigger idiot than those stupid nasty, nappy dreads do. You might get a few extra kicks in the balls because your nuts are so shriveled up from abusing steroids.
Every climate change denier everywhere - pointing to snowstorms as a sign that global warming is a hoax demonstrates what an utter simpleton you are. You are not a scientist and yet you feel qualified to discard dozens and hundreds and thousands of scientists who all agree that climate change is real and it is going to get worse unless we do something.
Lauren Ashley - Miss Beverly Hills seems to think that the Bible and God says gay people should be executed. Also, she's apparently presumed the title of Miss Beverly Hills since Beverly Hills does not have a beauty pageant. So she's a liar and a hater. Amy thinks her over-the-top statements are a publicity stunt like her predecessor Carrie Prejean. Either way, she needs a hard kick where her danglers would be.
Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly - doing their best to drag any discussion about anything of importance down into the muck where the wallow like the fat, disgusting pigs they are. I'm not sure I could stop kicking any of the four of these fools once I'd started.
California State Senator Roy
Arnold Schwarzenegger - You have simply no business being the governor of a state you can barely pronounce. You're style of leadership is to quote your goddamned action movie lines, insult the other side and admonish your scofflaw skeletal freakshow wife. We'd have to use a magnifying glass to find your steroid shrunken nuts but I'd keep kicking until we did find them.
Meg Whitman - just because you are bored and hold yourself in extremely high regard doesn't mean you know the first thing about politics or how to run California. You couldn't be bothered to even vote as a regular private citizen! You've got balls, that's for sure, balls that need a kicking!
The Entire Democratic Senate and House of Representatives - You need a kick in the nuts but it would be pointless since there isn't a damned set of balls amongst the entire lot of you pussies. As my friend, Jack, is fond of saying, you've taken a 59-41 majority and turned it into a dysfunctional, hand wringing minority. Find a pair, grow a pair, have a damned pair surgically implanted in your dangling sacks just so I can plant my Doc Marten's steel toed boot in 'em.
That's about all that I can come up with right now. I'm sure there are many, many more people that would benefit from a good hard kick to the jewels, heck I'm probably one of them.
Who do you think could use a kick square in the nuts?
PS Yes, I feel a little bad for the Assburn strike above but not bad enough to remove it (and perhaps this is why I deserve a boot to the nuts too).