3.08.2010

Who Needs/Deserves a Kick in the Nuts

Contained herein is my list of people I think are in need of a swift hard kick to the nuts and why. Not surprisingly, a bunch of these people are politicians or mouthpieces of a Republican nature. But there might be a surprise or two in the mix.

Jim Bunning - you quite obviously don't care about people in tough financial straits by your now trademark line of "Tough shit" when blocking a vote to extend unemployment insurance benefits. And then whined about missing a stupid college basketball game. Methinks your balls could use five or ten kicks really. Maybe one for every one of the unemployed people your pathetic grandstanding caused to lose their benefits. Might want to get a really big ice pack ready, Senator.

Newt Gingrich - you lie and smear without even a passing glance at the truth and have the smarmiest BS attitude about it, as if your making up facts out of thin air should be above reproach. I think you might need a finger poke in the eyes too.

Sarah Palin - some might say you don't have balls but you do, metaphorical ones sure but balls none the less. How else could you rationalize (sorry, is that too big a word for you, Sarah?) your sound bite rhetoric while pocketing massive speaking fees and spreading misinformation and lies.

Manny Ramirez - your skills are in decline while your ego is blooming to ten times normal size. You are a clubhouse cancer and the only good thing about you now is that you are going to drag the Dodgers down with you. You had a bad year last year, marred by your suspension for using steroids. And the season hasn't even started and you're already saying stupid crap and making yourself look like a bigger idiot than those stupid nasty, nappy dreads do. You might get a few extra kicks in the balls because your nuts are so shriveled up from abusing steroids.

Every climate change denier everywhere - pointing to snowstorms as a sign that global warming is a hoax demonstrates what an utter simpleton you are. You are not a scientist and yet you feel qualified to discard dozens and hundreds and thousands of scientists who all agree that climate change is real and it is going to get worse unless we do something.

Lauren Ashley - Miss Beverly Hills seems to think that the Bible and God says gay people should be executed. Also, she's apparently presumed the title of Miss Beverly Hills since Beverly Hills does not have a beauty pageant. So she's a liar and a hater. Amy thinks her over-the-top statements are a publicity stunt like her predecessor Carrie Prejean. Either way, she needs a hard kick where her danglers would be.

Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly - doing their best to drag any discussion about anything of importance down into the muck where the wallow like the fat, disgusting pigs they are. I'm not sure I could stop kicking any of the four of these fools once I'd started.

California State Senator Roy AssburnAshburn - You are a closeted gay man in politics who frequented gay bars for years and yet voted time and again against gay rights. Your excuse is that you were voting your constituent's interests which is fair enough on the surface but a total and utter cop out underneath. You represented yourself as something you are not in order to get elected, you are a fraud, a liar and a drunk driving ass. I don't give a fig that you are gay, I care an awful lot that you are a hypocritical douchebag.

Arnold Schwarzenegger - You have simply no business being the governor of a state you can barely pronounce. You're style of leadership is to quote your goddamned action movie lines, insult the other side and admonish your scofflaw skeletal freakshow wife. We'd have to use a magnifying glass to find your steroid shrunken nuts but I'd keep kicking until we did find them.

Meg Whitman - just because you are bored and hold yourself in extremely high regard doesn't mean you know the first thing about politics or how to run California. You couldn't be bothered to even vote as a regular private citizen! You've got balls, that's for sure, balls that need a kicking!

The Entire Democratic Senate and House of Representatives - You need a kick in the nuts but it would be pointless since there isn't a damned set of balls amongst the entire lot of you pussies. As my friend, Jack, is fond of saying, you've taken a 59-41 majority and turned it into a dysfunctional, hand wringing minority. Find a pair, grow a pair, have a damned pair surgically implanted in your dangling sacks just so I can plant my Doc Marten's steel toed boot in 'em.

That's about all that I can come up with right now. I'm sure there are many, many more people that would benefit from a good hard kick to the jewels, heck I'm probably one of them.

Who do you think could use a kick square in the nuts?

PS Yes, I feel a little bad for the Assburn strike above but not bad enough to remove it (and perhaps this is why I deserve a boot to the nuts too).
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