Toyota's Ad Campaign to Win Back Customers

The shocking erosion of consumer confidence in the previously untarnished and exemplary marque that was Toyota has resulted in a massive scramble for marketing campaigns designed to win back their nervous customers. And who can blame them really, the idea of a Prius run amok without brakes and a stuck accelerator scares most people (though some of the more rational among us are wondering why the driver didn't put the car in neutral and coast to a stop). Intellectual Poison's crack team of corporate ninjas was able to penetrate the security of Toyota America's HQ Public Relations War Room and steal these ad campaigns under consideration.

Buy a Toyota and Get a Free Coffin - truth be told, this one had already been crossed out in angry red marker.

Toyota Will Get You There Faster Whether You Like It or Not - the suits seemed to like this one as it had been circled in green marker, our data analysts put this campaign at a 5 to 2 favorite to go live.

Toyota: At Least We're Not Chrysler or GM - another strong potential winner if the chicken scratches along the side are any indication.

Toyota Remembers When You Loved Us, You Really, Really Loved Us - it appears that this was a late night entry into the pool, there are doodles on the mock ups as well lipstick kisses, some unidentifiable stains and one cigarette burn.

The next few concept campaigns were mostly brainstormed ideas on a white board, our team of trained monkeys analysts were unwilling to lay odds on any of these even when we offered them some extra bananas.

Betcha Didn't Know Prius' Could Go That Fast?
Even a Prius Without Brakes and a Stuck Accelerator is Better for the Planet Than a Road Hog from Detroit
Everybody Knows If You Die in a Toyota Then You Go Straight to Heaven
(the converse ad) Everybody Knows If You Die in a Honda Then You Burn in the Deepest Pits of Hell Forever!
Buy a Toyota and Inject Some Mayhem Into Your Commute!
Toyota's New Model: The Kamikaze!
Buy A Toyota or Our Senior Executives Will Have to Commit Ritual Suicide
Data Not Wrong, Stupid Round Eye Americans Are Wrong, Buy a Damned Toyota Stupid American
Penis So Small, So, So Small, Toyota Make Good, Good Car
At Least a Toyota Isn't Tainted with Lead (this one was scratched out with an all caps DAMN IT! next to it, note to self, stop eating the paint chips off neighbor's Toyota)
Toyota's Don't Kill People, Our Ninjas Kill People...That Aren't Driving Toyotas
WhyIoughta Buy a Toyota (apparently an attempt at rhyming)

The rest of the board was illegible scribbles with lots of exclamation points, drawings of breasts with googly eyed men ogling them, penises and rocket ships.

We at Intellectual Poison wish Toyota well as they struggle through this swamp of bad publicity following some bad decision making and bad designs. If Toyota would like to, they are more than welcome to deliver a brand new Forerunner to the Intellectual Poison offices for, uhhh, evaluation purposes. We prefer classic black ones if at all possible.