An Offer They'll Likely Refuse

It was pointed out to my attention and the rest of me this evening that Conan O'Brien or someone associated with him posted this bit of awesomeness.

I thought I'd send them an email with my best offer and a few random questions since I've never been a late night talk show host, at least not on tv or where other people have seen me do it.

Anyway, here's my somewhat witty but mostly smart alecky email offer:
I'll take that show off your hands as long as I don't have to wear
pants. I plan on a completely pants free late night talk show.

How much would it cost to have some wandering around the building with
a tshirt cannon randomly asking riddles of people and shooting them
when they answer wrong?

I'm also interested in an indoor bowling alley, an air cannon that can
launch a 2 x 4 through a car door and lots of fiery explosions. By the
way, is it against the law to make chicken carcasses fight on
television? No matter, it can be done in animation if need be.

What would you think about maintaining a two foot layer of fog or
smoke at all times? And skateboard mounted cameras connected to
helmets worn by people in the audience. And a robot that can only make
mojitos. Is there such a thing as jello that forms a hard shell when
exposed to the air? There should be.

I've got $15 I can pay you for the show now and will, brace
yourselves, match it with another $15 once the show is up and running
and making money.

Anyway, I look forward to work of the pending sale. I can live in the
studio too, right?
As you can tell, I have big plans if I'm lucky enough to be the chosen one. But really, someone should get on that jello thing, that would be awesome.
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