6.22.2009

Falsisms

Truisms that aren't true are called falsisms (at least that's what I'm choosing to call them). Here are some for your consumption.

Its always darkest before the dawn - um, no, it isn't. Its darkest when there's no sun or moon in the sky or on the horizon.

No pain, no gain - um, no, not always. Pain denotes possible damage and I'm not sure where the gain is in tearing your rotator cuff or blowing out your knee or accidentally getting jabbed in the eye with an errant toddler's finger.

A stranger’s just a friend you’ve never met - or he's the POS who slips a ruffie into your drink while you're in the bathroom so he can rape you later on in the evening. Strangers aren't necessarily an unequivocal good. Take each stranger on a one by one basis and don't pass sweeping judgments.

Beauty and brains don’t mix - ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I submit Natalie Portman as proof of the falseness of this supposed truism.

Cheaters never prosper - no, they just become president, embezzle billions of dollars from failing Ponzi schemes and become baseball superstars making more in a single game than most people make in entire year.

Dead men tell no tales - sure they do, watch an episode of CSI.

Don’t kick a man when he’s down - actually this is a pretty good one, if you do then you'll get a one point deduction and that can cost you the fight. But this only counts if there's a referee and witnesses, if its just you and some dude who jumped you then definitely kick him when he's down or he might get back up, pull a gun and shoot you dead.

Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom - I'll admit that I've never heard this but that's likely because any mention of God around me makes me metaphorically put my fingers in my ears and go Lalalalalalala until they stop blabbering. Besides, fearing your God seems awfully contradictory to the concept of worship, fear isn't worship or servility, fear is control by threat of violence and is the path of despots and dictators.

Good fences make good neighbors - nope, good people make good neighbors. I had a nice fence between me and Ike the Asshole and he was still the worst piece of self-absorbed shit I've ever lived next to.

Hard work never hurt anybody - tell that to the countless slaves that died building the pyramids in Egypt.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em - try telling this to someone who opposes the hate posing as Prop 8 in California. More so, this is the lamest sort of surrender possible and espouses having a wishy washy set of beliefs that you should change to suit the situation so that you're on the "winning" side. Like people who become fans of teams that make the playoffs.

It's a dog-eat-dog world - I wasn't aware that dogs ate each other with any regularity. This truism would be much more true if it read It's a cat-eat-mouse world.

Everybody loves a winner - except the loser and when that winner is the New York Yankees.

I think that's about enough for this round. Please feel free to leave a comment about your most annoying Falsism disguised as a Truism.
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