1.04.2009

Juvenility in Pornisms

Because I am a silly and juvenile boy at heart, here are some Dr. Suess books re-imagined as porn stories.

Horton Hears a Who becomes Horton Hires a Ho
Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You becomes Mr. Brown Can Spew, Can You?
Are You My Mother? becomes Who's Your Daddy?
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish becomes One Squish, Two Squish, Red Squish, Spew Squish
Green Eggs and Ham becomes Green Legs and Slam
Horton Hatches the Egg becomes Horton Humps a Leg
If I Ran the Zoo becomes If I Ran in Poo
How the Grinch Stole Christmas! becomes How the Grinch Poled Christmas
The Cat in the Hat becomes The Cat in the Scat
The Cat in the Hat Comes Back becomes The Cat in the Scat Cums Back
Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories becomes Yertle the Squirtle
Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book becomes Dr. Seuss's Sleeping Around Book
Dr. Seuss's ABC becomes Dr. Seuss's SEX
Hop on Pop becomes Hop on Pop's Cock
Fox in Socks becomes Fox on Cocks
The Foot Book becomes The Foot Book and Other Fetishes
I Can Lick 30 Tigers Today! and Other Stories becomes I Can Lick 30 Johns Today!
My Book about ME becomes My Book about Pee
I Can Draw It Myself becomes I Can Jack It Myself
The Lorax becomes The Sore Ass
Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now! becomes Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Blow Now!
Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? becomes Did I Ever Tell You How Fucky You Are?
The Shape of Me and Other Stuff becomes The Shape of My Wang and Other Stuff
There's a Wocket in My Pocket! becomes (duh!) There's a Rocket in My Pocket
Great Day for Up! becomes Great Day for a Schtup!
Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! becomes Oh, the Skanks You Can Skink!
The Cat's Quizzer becomes The Cat's Whizzer
I Can Read with My Eyes Shut! becomes I Can Fuck with My Eyes Shut!
Oh Say Can You Say? becomes Oh, Say Can You Lay
Hunches in Bunches becomes Hump-es in Bunches
The Butter Battle Book becomes The Butterface Battle Book
You're Only Old Once! : A Book for Obsolete Children becomes You're Only Rolled Once! : A Book of Sex for Obese People
I Am NOT Going to Get Up Today! becomes I Am Not Going to Get IT Up Today!
Oh, the Places You'll Go! becomes Oh, the Places You'll Get Blown!
My Many Colored Days becomes My Many Colored Lays
Ten Apples Up on Top! becomes Ten Slapples on my Cock!
I Wish That I Had Duck Feet becomes I Wish That I Had Fucked Pete
Come over to My House becomes Come Over in My House
Wacky Wednesday become Whack Off Wednesday
Hooper Humperdink...? Not Him! becomes Hooker Humperdick...?

Some good ones, one cringeworthy ones. And yes, I did edit out the truly awful ones. My favorite is Horton Hires a Ho.
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