1.21.2009

Further Processing of Positive Discipline

I'm still working through everything I heard and saw the other night at the Positive Discipline seminar in Santa Cruz.

Not necessarily in order of importance, here are some additional thoughts.

Parents talk at their kids too much rather than engage in a conversation with their children. And the kids learn to tune it out very quickly and just wait for the yapping to stop. It is unproductive to just talk at a child, especially a young child (under the age of 3 or so). For one, they don't have the capacity to "get it" and for two, you are training them to pretend to pay attention when they are not. And for three, put yourself in their shoes, would you take the lecture to heart or would you tune it out?

The use of the "Naughty Chair" is detrimental to the development of self-esteem and should be thrown on the trash heap of failed child raising concepts. What do you think a child forced to sit on the naughty chair is thinking about? What got them there? Or whether they are a bad child?

Finger wagging has never been effective.

One important thing to do is to mean what you say and follow through. If you tell your warring children in the car that you're going to pull over and wait for them to stop and you do not do it then you are teaching them that you are either a liar or weak, neither of which will help them.

The basic tenets of the concepts are Don't Tell, Ask and Be Kind and Firm. Also add no rewards, no punishments and that every instance of acting out is an opportunity for you both to learn how to effectively address, deal with and resolve the problem.

The same concepts of Positive Discipline for children can be applied to other social interactions in your life. Such as, oh I don't know, your husband or wife, your boss, your sales team and your neighbors. The concepts do not, however, work on animals.
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