8.16.2008

The Top Ten Most Annoying People in Hollywood

My totally subjective list of the top ten or eleven most annoying people in Hollywood. With links to sites that make fun of them where possible. Why yes, I am feeling snide today, thanks for asking.

1. Paris Hilton - never let a lack of talent or an eye that can't open all the way stop you from inflicting your talentless ass on the universe by a "leaked" (and boringly bad) sex tape scandal.

2. Tori Spelling - dumb, dumb Donna. Who knew she wasn't acting when she was inflicted on 90210 as the idiot blond?

3. Tom Cruise - the reincarnation of Napoleon with wolf teeth and a penchant for couch jumping and ignorant superiority complexes.

4. Sean Combs - Dude, just close your mouth every once in a while. Please. Do it for the children.

5. Kathy Griffin - yeah, not top ten material but the spiritual incarnation of Carrottop's feminine side is about as funny (that is, not at all) and almost as sexy (that is, not in any way, shape or form). She makes Jose Canseco's hair style look decent and that's saying an awful lot.

6. Sarahika Jessica Parker - horses should not wear eyeliner and lots of rouge, some might even call it cruel. She's hideous and annoying.

7. Mel Gibson - drunken hate speech is just the same as sober hate speech, just more honest. Shame because The Road Warrior is one of my all-time favorite movies (I grew up in the VHS era and it was one of the few movies we had on tape, I must have watched it three dozen times).

8. Robin Williams - dude, Mork & Mindy got canceled decades ago, please find a new schtick.

9. Ellen Degeneres - if self-deprecation was an art-form then she'd be freakin' da Vinci. And her clothes bug me too. Luckily she's got an amazingly hot girlfriend soon to be wife that helps offset her rather high standalone annoyance factor.

10. Donald Trump - not restricted solely to Hollywood as he's a power player in New York too (and don't you DARE fucking forget it or he'll destroy you just because he can). Teh Donald is Teh Jackass with a Ridiculous Wig who looks like he sucks lemons all the live long day.
And one more because I nearly forgot about him.

11. Shia LaBeouf - goofy names aside, this kid is a walking tool with a shoulder on his chip. Every photo of him I've seen he's got some cheesy peach fuzz thing going on and is trying to look like a tough guy when he's a wee little punk. His recent drunk driving accident and subsequent hand mashing is just the latest in a series of really asinine events including getting arrested for refusing to leave a Walgreens, an arrest for unlawful smoking and a video of him calling his buddies fags surfaced and he just comes off as a colossal shitheel.

Dishonorable Mentions: Those who are annoying but don't quite ascend to the levels the top ten get to.
David Schwimmer, Mario Lopez, the gay guy on Debra Messing's show, Tony Danza, Michael Richards, Andy Dick, Carlos Mencia, Kim Kardashian, Hulk Hogan (Dude, lose the friggin' Do Rag, you're like 50).

I'm sure I'll remember several others the instant this posts but this'll do for now.

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