6.27.2008

The 7 Stages of Stools or Fecal Haikus

** Warning, scatological post ahead, veer off if poop or poop-chat scares or otherwise squigs you out. Or haikus for that matter. **
As is the norm, Ryan's blogThunderjournal has at least one post on the front page that deals with some aspect of poop. I happened to look at his banner of ads above the title and noticed a few that were poop-based so I clicked one and found this delightful breakdown of the seven stages of stools. Previously to this find, I'd pretty much called a turd a turd. But now I've been empowered (and so have you). Now I can reliably categorize my fecal activities according to the scale. Not that I expect anyone wants to know that I made a Type 4 verging on a Type 5 this morning. But it is nice to know that I can be more precise in describing my crap to others.

Some of the descriptions almost read like haikus. In fact, with just a little work, they could be!

Type 1
Separate hard lumps
Like nuts or rabbit droppings
Hard passage with grunts

Type 2
Sausage-shaped and rough
Lumpy but all in one piece
Elicits the Ahhhhh

Type 3
Like a sausage but
Cracked all over its surface
Call it Playdough poop

Type 4
Looks like a sausage
Or like a smooth and soft snake
Sphincter slithering

Type 5
Soft blobs of feces
With distinct edges and shapes
Passes easily

Type 6
Fluffy pieces with
Ragged edges of fecosity
A sad mushy stool

Type 7
Watery with no
Solid pieces to speak of
All liquid spatter

There now, has your day been enriched?

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