3.19.2008

Wedding Politics

Having gone through the delightful process that is putting on a wedding and having to put together a list of people to invite to the wedding I'm already well aware that there are concessions that must be made to keep from having a reception with 2000 people. Which would be fine if you've got an endless supply of money and could rent AT&T Park to house them all.

But reality dictates that some people will get invited over others. It is the nature of the process.

And sometimes the first tier invites aren't as able to come as you might have thought they were. So, sometimes, the couple will drop down a tier to try and fill out the wedding.

I know all of this, I understand it all and I accept it as part of the nature of the process.

But that still doesn't mean, in any way, shape or fashion, that I have any interest in being your wedding filler. I have no interest in being invited solely because others weren't able to make it.

Especially when the family member in question has either ignored or otherwise just decided to not respond to previous attempts to make contact and interact as two members of the family on the west coast. Not for a period of weeks or months but for a period of years.

Ignore me for several years, invite other members of my family in the first wave of invitations and then drop down to invite me and my family and you have some expectation of my family actually attending? To what point? Why would I have the slightest interest in the event? You've made it pretty clear you have zero interest in my life and my family. Why would you possibly think I would take an interest in yours?

And yes, I'm well aware of the potential hornet's nest I'm stirring up by posting this as I know family members read this and it is likely to get back to the party in question. But the honest truth is that I'm done trying to gladhand the long-strained relations with my extended family. I'm done putting on a smiling face to people who are strangers in everything but family tree. And I'm also well aware that the stock-in-trade response of email not having been received would be trotted out like some excuse horse. But it rings false, emails with misspelt addresses bounce and it isn't like there's no way to get, you know, MY email and contact me. Besides, I'm not stupid, I'm pretty capable of typing an email address correctly, verifying and trying it more than once. With no response.

Do I sound bitter? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm extending my personal life dissatisfactions onto interpersonal relations amongst my family that makes no sense and does nothing but increase the chasm between us. This could be truth, I could attempt to overcome and move beyond and forgive and forget.

I could also sprout wings out of my ass and horns on my shoulders but I'm not holding my breath for that to happen either. And believe me, if this sounds bitter and harsh then you should read the first couple of attempts. It would be a very bad day indeed if my draft posts somehow made it out into the wilds.

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