The Ultimate Crybaby Poser Fighter

I watched last night's episode of The Ultimate Fighter 5 yesterday afternoon and was looking forward to a good brawl between the tall and skinny Corey and the shorter, louder and out-of-shaper Gabe.

Gabe has been the mouth on this season, he talks and talks and talks and showed very little drive to back it up. He came in to a show about light weights (that's 155 pounds) weighing nearly 175 pounds. He was out of shape, overweight and seemingly unmotivated to lose it by hard work, taking short cuts like enemas to try and cut his weight.

In the end, he gave up like a little bitch and got hell from his team and the other team. And he gave up a mere 3 pounds from making weight. And the coaches too, BJ Penn got tired of hearing him try to talk his way out of being a fucking whiny quitter drama queen. That was the really annoying part (aside from no fight at the end of the show) that the whole show was Gabe, Gabe, Gabe and his excuses and whimpering. That scene of him laying on the floor outside the sauna whispering for them to pick him up and put him back in the sauna, like he's about to die. Come on, are you auditioning? Do you wanna be an action movie star, Gabe? David Caruso has more range than you and I place him just below a used pair of loafers.

Why? Because he's a quitter who didn't want to get his ass kicked by a substantially less experienced but more talented fighter. Or he didn't care about the fight and just wanted airtime, an audience to see his brilliance and wit and charm, bleh. And he's a loser who didn't give the opportunity the full effort that it deserved. I kind of hoped Dana White, the UFC president was going to smack him, he was soooo pissed off. And rightly so, he gave Gabe a golden opportunity and he squandered it like a moron. Sorry, like a moron who still thinks wearing your hat sideways is remotely cool.

Newsflash, Gabe, the 80's are long, long over. Wearing your hat sideways does nothing but demonstrate what a goofy ass poser you are.

Some future sponsorship ideas for you, Gabe.

The Talk Out of Your Ass Microphone - so everyone can hear your bragging that you won't back up.
The Lazyman Colonic - shove it up your own ass!
Man Bra - because those boobs you had on Day One were still there on the day you got kicked the hell off the show.
The Fickle Feather Vomit Comet - so you never have to let that cake you can't stop smashing into your mouth end up on your already inner-tubish gut.
Cry Me A River Power Water - so you can replenish all those electrolytes you lost while crying so many times on the show.
The Meltaway Fat Reduction Pillow - sleep that weight away, Gabe. It sure worked for yo....oh wait, nevermind.

It is a shame you'll never fight in the UFC again because I'd enjoy watching someone pummel you. I bet YouTube can find me some of that. Maybe I'll add an update later.