3.17.2007

I Wouldn't Be Smiling Even If I Did Have Irish Eyes

I've rarely felt as deeply frustrated as I've been for the last couple of days. If it isn't one kid than its the other, if its not one of the kids then its the dog, if its not the dog then its my wife, if its not my wife then its an inanimate thing that's decided right then is the right time to break.

Case in point, my keyboard has decided to ignore some presses of the space bar and then to double up on others. Which means I spend alot of time deleting and retyping stuff.

I know what I need, I just don't have the time or money to take care of it right now. Mostly the time really which is stupid because I don't have a job right now. But no job means I am always available to take care of the kids. Which means I can't be looking for a job which means I might as well be pounding on sand.

Not sleeping well isn't helping either and really, some days, I just want to get in the car and drive away and not ever come back. I know that's a bad thing to write or think and I wouldn't ever do it but its how I feel right now and that is that.

As soon as my wife is home from the shop, I think I am going to grab my bike and go for a ride. I know that's part of the solution, not just for me but for everyone in the family. Only none of them are invited today. I need some time for me, I need some time for me to spend with me and not being concerned with making sure everyone else has everything they need all the time.

One of the most recent additions to my task list is to write down the things I need to be happier. Part of the process of working with my career counselor is to identify those things that motivate me as opposed to those things that I am capable of doing. The latter is a very, very wide pool of possibilities and the former is much more restricted. It is very important to align activities and work with those things that you are passionate about because motivation always trumps capability.

And, because I try to be optimistic at heart, one positive before this rolls up. I came across a truly ideal job posting this week. I wrote an entirely new resume for it based on some professional examples I found while researching. The new resume is a substantial improvement over the previous one and I have additional ammo to create more impact and to nail the cover letters as well.

I don't hate work, I hate working for bad people. And there is no earthly reason why I shouldn't be making my living doing something I wholeheartedly enjoy. I like PR and am good at it but there were certain aspects of it that I loathed but had to do anyway which cuts deeply into job satisfaction.

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