Intellectual Poison

You know, just when you think things are in the crapper and that the world's going to hell in a handbasket, sometimes you come across something as thoroughly wonderful as the...Playazon "Hands-Free" Merkin Flashlight (NSFW, um yeah) ostensibly for use at Burning Man but I could think of dozens of events where this would be perfect.

How can things be so bad when there are products like this that exist in the world?

Which reminds me, I still want a Utilikilt. Which further reminds me that I've got to get out and stain/seal my new pretty cedar fence before the sun bakes all the moisture out of it. Hello sunshine!

Tags: merkin, flashlight, Burning Man, playa

Today's new word came from a post over on MeCha.

Concraption - a gadget toilet, i.e. a contraption crapper....contracted.

Plus, I have learned of something new in language, it is the recursive acronym - basically the spelling of the acronym with the first letter in the acronym being the word being spelled, i.e. GNU - Gnu's Not Unix. Learned because my grin word today is MUNG which is also a recursive acronym standing for Mung Until No Good, even though I have no idea what that means. But hell, still pretty darned cool.

Recursiveness, in general, good for a laugh. Witness things like the Hasselhoffian Recursion (warning, link is to NSFW David Hassellhoff image from hell) and tell me you didn't laugh before you gagged.

Tags: concraption, recursion, mung, tag, fictionarium, new words, inventing language, NWotD

Yesterday, at a Memorial Day Barbecue, Graydon broke some new ground on his development. He found out that there are places where he can push his body into that are not quite so easy to get out of.

He got most of his body between my friend's hot tub and the deck railings. And when he started to back up, realized that he could not extract himself. Which led to a couple of frenzied moments until I calmed him down, put my hand over his ear and eased him out of the predicament.

Then I went back to the hand of poker we were playing when it all started and made $30. So that was a nice wrapup to the whole thing.

I knew that I wasn't going to be able to play until 4 in the morning with my family there and at around 10 I started to wrap up my play, counted out and got ready to go. One of the other guys tried to get a rise out of me by saying I should have played more hands through to completion, intimating that I played a passive game. Which was true, I was very patient. But he was one to talk, his three biggest pots were all won on dumb-shit luck river love. His hands were all made on the final card of the hand and that's not good poker, that's luck. And luck runs out.

Anyway, Graydon has now crossed off getting his head stuck in between two things. The list is still really long but that one is all taken care of. And I think he learned his lesson too.

Tags: baby steps, lesson, learned

Here's a new word (actually its probably not given how simple it is) but anyway, new to me and here ya go.

Spinglish- PR speak, spinning English or using the language to make bad news appear to be good (i.e. AOL saying laying off 1300 people is a good thing).

Tags: spinglish, fictionarium, new words, inventing language, NWotD

Desmond Dekker died today. This makes me very sad. It is time to light one up, put on some Israelites (2.9 meg download) and mark the passing of a legend.

Tags: Desmond Dekker, Israelites, ska, legend

Jim O'Connor is the perfect host for his show, The Secret Life of..., on FoodTV. He's a brash and outgoing and goofy guy who's competely inoffensive and as funny as a clown without being rude or a jerk. And he can also interview decently before getting down to the chow. He's the perfect combination of brash boy and respectful (but definitely fun-loving) host. And when he likes something he has no problems demonstrating how much he likes it!

And what a fantastic job he's got. He travels everywhere and gets to eat great food, talk with crazy interesting people and, oh yeah, he gets to eat great food. And travel. I almost want to hate the guy for having such a great gig but I can't. And that's the sign of a pretty damned good host.

Though I'm sure he drives other people up the freaking wall.

Kind of like the host of What's Up With That House on HGTV, George Gray. The show could be excellent but his personality is a wicked, wicked buzzkill. Like he needs a kick in the nuts, buzzkill. The show explores that one crazy house in your neighborhood and would be fascinating and fun to watch but the host is a wanna-be hipster wanker with that utterly stupid "soul patch" tuft of blond stupidity on his chin and mannerisms that would be more suited for Chuck E. Cheese. Congratulations, your show is unwatchable because you're an idiot who thinks your personality helps the show. Also in this category? "Attack of the Show" on G4, a bunch of pricks who think they are the coolest of the coolest cool kids to ever walk the earth. Unwatchable tv at its worst.

Tags: Jim O'Connor, good host, FoodTV, The Secret Life of..., HGTV, George Gray, bad host

Here's a new word of the day to share for lack of time or inclination to post anything more substantial. I.e. I've got chores galore(s) to do.

Provain - when someone has to get out the dictionary or encyclopedia or other resource to prove that they are right and you are wrong to stroke their ego.

Tags: provain, fictionarium, new words, inventing language, NWotD

You know what irritates me more than anything else about people with money? When they crow about getting given free shit.

That just fucking pisses me off. Kelly Ripa was yapping about getting free hats and its like, one, you're an incredibly annoying person, two, you've got money, go buy your own fucking hat, you intentionally-bubbleheaded moron.

A big and getting bigger story are the goodie bags given away to Oscar winners. Something like $120,000 worth of giveaways given to people who get millions of dollars per movie. George Clooney auctioned his off and donated the proceeds, which was cool but he is the exception. Goodie bags worth more than your average family of four makes in a year. Nice skewed universe.

Yes, from a marketing perspective, getting your product in the hands of the rich and famous is a great way to sell more units. But it also works the opposite way on a number of people, myself included. And don't ever hire Paris Hilton or Carrottop to hawk your schlock. Think of it as a personal favor to me.

Tags: assholery, cheap, rich people

Smackcess - when someone's close enough to be smacked, you have smackcess. Or a successful smacking.

Schmuckcess - when fools succeed.

Tags: smackcess, schmuckcess, fictionarium, new words, inventing language, NWotD

It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, any fans that cheer a player getting beaned by a pitcher are not baseball fans, they are thuggish assholes.

Barry Bonds got thrown at by the Astros' Russ Springer, not once or twice but five pitches in the same at-bat all had a good chance to hit the superstar. The first pitch went behind Bonds!

Springer got a warning and then threw a fastball and beaned Barry Bonds in the upper back. And Astros fans? They cheered the beaning.

Which pretty much goes to demonstrate that Astros fans aren't baseball fans. A stark contrast to the boos Bonds got in Philly but nearly everyone in that stadium rose to their feet and cheered as he hit #713.

Houston, we have a problem, your "fans" have an absolute lack of class. Or maybe that's Texas Class? Cheering poor behaviour. Either way, I lost a lot of respect for the Astros and for Houston. Just as I did for the Sharks fans who booed the Canadian National Anthem the other night, totally uncool.

Tags: baseball, Barry Bonds, bad behaviour, Houston, Astros, fans, no class, beaning

This would be Sullivan's first day of sunlight. He was very calm during the day mostly, suprisingly so. He got to sit in the sun some with his mom while his dad and big brother made themselves scarce for a little while for much needed naps.

The whole family is home now. Even Nande is home from her stay at the Pet Resort near the hospital. She's bushed now but you should have seen her excitement when I picked her up.

She doesn't know what to make of the new baby yet. Its interesting to watch her curious sniffs. I bet Sully smells good. In fact, I know he does.

Graydon's feeling better after a little bit of a fever in the hospital and a strange little puking night. He is much better now though. So much so that he was bouncing off the walls yesterday evening. It was kind of fun to bunk up with him while P and Sully were on the other side of the room.

I do like being altogether. Extra rooms are nice and all for crying little ones and exhausted parents to go to their separate corners and all. But being altogether during the hospital stay was good for all of us.

Jeebus, its late. I should go and get some sleep while I can. I know we're going to have some tiring days and nights ahead of us. But the funny part is that both P and I are thoroughly looking forward to it.

Well, I guess the picture explains most of what the post is about. Yesterday evening we welcomed Sullivan into the world. This was taken a few moments after his birth as he was getting cleaned up and ready to get checked.

He is a healthy and beautiful little boy, his momma is recovering happily with him and Grady and I are on our way back to the hospital just now.

Tags: newborn, baby boy, my son

Well, I have a quick news bulletin to pass along and then I may be slightly out of touch for a couple of days.

You see, my wife's water has broken this morning and we will be heading to the hospital soon to bring a new little baby boy into the world. Why yes, this is early by about a week and a half.

If all goes according to plan then the next time a new post goes up, we will be new parents again and I will be introducing the universe to my new son.

Keep your fingers crossed, send good thoughts this way (west) and I'll be back as soon as I can with an update.

Tags: baby, birth, new life

So Mission Impossible III opened this weekend and is the #1 movie or something. But I won't be seeing it in the theatre or at home because Tom Cruise, as with Arnold Schwarzenegger, has allowed his private life to overshadow his movie career.

The Katie Holmes retardness has put you on the same list as the Governator Moron, Elton John, the entire cast of Friends with the possible exception of Matt Leblanc because he was decent in Lost in Space, Will & Grace, Dharma & Greg and Everybody Loves Raymond, that is, you are shit-canned. I will never intentionally give you a penny of my money for any reason whatsoever.

Mission Impossible would be you realizing what an utter fool you made of yourself over the last year plus and ably demonstrated what an ego does in an echo chamber. Its pretty much the same thing as a marshmallow in a microwave, it blows up, gets gooey everywhere and is a fucking nightmare to clean up the next day. Jumping the shark doesn't even begin to cover your over-acting to prove to the world how much you were in love.

So yeah, enjoy your movie and your fiancee who birthed you another whelp. If I had anything to say about it, you'd never act in another movie again. I'd love it if more people decided to vote with their wallets and ignore your crappy movies, it might penetrate that three inch thick skull of yours.

Thank you.

Tags: Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible, jump the shark

I don't know about the rest of you but I got to spend my Sunday curled up all fetal-like in between trips to the toilet to vent from both ends. Apparently there's a nasty little stomach bug going around that turns your stomach into a big old knot of fury.

I had a total of about a half glass of ginger ale and about four ounces of water all day yesterday and, by the middle of the day, it felt like someone had been beating onmy kidneys and neck with a tire iron.

Needless to say, today is a much, much better day. I'm re-hydrating myself and can actually even stand up. But yesterday? Yesterday sucked donkey balls.

Tags: puke, Sunday, suckage

King George has now declared that the War on Terror is really World War III.

And the director of the CIA just up and quit. But thank goodness CNN and Fox are giving all of the late breaking news about Patrick Kennedy and his drug/alcohol problem. There was no mention of his incredibly bad haircut problem. Come on, dude, you've got like a billion dollars and can't pay more than $12 for a chop? Lame.

Tags: Bush, declares, WWIII, Patrick Kennedy, Porter Goss, CIA, WAF, we are fucked

There's been a ton of stuff already written about the current immigration "debate" taking place in the US right now.

And the rhetoric has been flying thick and fast for quite some time now. So I figured I might as well add my couple of cents to the whole deal.

One, illegal immigrants in the country now without permission making demands about auto-granting them citizenship is insane. It is, in theory, the same as criminals demanding to be set free.

Two, the idea of deporting nearly 12 million people is equally or maybe even more insane. That Bill Frist is a public figure, and apparently respected by some people, is truly astonishing to me. I thought he'd blown any respect on his Terri Schiavo "medical opinion" but I guess not quite yet. Anyway, back to immigration.

Three, I say the best way to fix the problem is to break it down. How many of the illegals can prove they've been good tax-paying citizens for x number of years? Then swear 'em in and let's welcome who's been a useful and lawful alien as one of our own. How many does that leave? Okay then, let's keep going. The next group wouldn't be granted immediate citizenship, they'd be something like "Working Towards Citizenship" by demonstrated steps. This could be a pretty big group and would include all levels and degrees. It would also cost a shitload to implement and run but would be a fraction of the cost of deporting 12 million people.

Four, investigate, arrest and punish employers who are putting out the money to bring the illegals in. If the well goes dry then people go looking elsewhere for water.

Five, develop a temporary worker system. Yeah, like what Bush has talked about. A pass system for workers to get documentation (and the protection of a codified system), work histories and tax histories. It could easily be a part of the big group.

Six, becoming an American shouldn't just be lip service to get the benefits. Marching for immigration by carrying a Mexican flag should pretty much exclude your ever getting citizenship. I understand national pride and all but you are marching to protest immigration laws for leaving your home nation. Let that sink in. By becoming American, you are no longer, according to the rules of time and space, Mexican. Unless you work the process really well and become a dual citizen. But I doubt that's a regularity.

The bottom line is that this is an insanely huge problem that won't be solved by blowhards like Frist. And, really, I don't expect the Bush or GOP to do anything, at all. That's kind of par for the course.

Tags: immigration, America, protest

So Yahoo's spam filters have been overwhelmed again or something. I got 60 plainly obvious spams in the my in-box this morning. And they keep piling up. WTF? Yahoo?
Tags: Yahoo, spam, filter, sucks

Is it really especially newsworthy that the much-smeared John Kerry would thrash George W. Bush in an election if it were held right now? No, not really but it sure does feel good to have some facts to back it up with. Eh?

Here, I'll summarize. Kerry, 47%, Bush, 40%.

But really, a rotting sea cucumber could probably take Bush these days. What's his latest approval rating? 32%? Woot! He is, afterall, a fucking idiot who actually believes that God really is talking to him. And that he's surrounded himself with competent people who all happen to always agree with him (or there's someone new in the disagreer's seat at the next meeting).

via Angus-Reid.

Tags: Kerry would defeat Bush in hindsight.

Today's new word comes from drama and acting, no way!

Dramactedly - dramatic acting for effect. Not usually for the camera though its sometimes caught on film, think Tom Cruise' jumping the shark couch on Orpah (the Killer Whale!) because he was sooooooooo in love with his incubator bride, Katie Holmes. Or the over-emotive drama queen who swoons at the slightest provocation.

Darwinate - to apply the "Survival of the Fittest" to an individual, that is, incorrectly, situation. Evolution doesn't work on the micro scale, its across populations and environments. Darwinating is when people cheer idiots who kill themselves in really stupid ways.

And, in more word geek goodness, have you ever noticed how close "Trial" and "Tribal" are? There but for a "b" goes the trial. And maybe I've mentioned this before but one little slip and "nicest" becomes "incest". Strange one.

Tags: dramactedly, darwinate, fictionarium, new words, inventing language, NWotD

I don't get some online companies. Like Register.com. I went there to see how much they wanted to charge me to register a domain name that I've been kicking around in my head for a little while.

Two years? $75.

Do they think I'm stupid or something? And maybe I am but I'm not stupid enough to believe/think that it costs $37.50 a year to register a pissant domain.

And, after I quit the site and went to another place that charged me a much more reasonable $7.50 a year, Register.com sent me an email offer of only $20 a year. Or nearly three times the rate I did get. Which equals a really bad deal.

Sorry Register.com but that's absolutely stupid ass marketing. You never had a chance even for $20 a year, you idiots but why would you quote a higher price on your site and then try to get me back via email? I mean, I understand your goal to get sales anyway you can but try a more reasonable pricing strategy first. But thanks for misusing what information I did provide. That lets me know that you're not an especially ethical company either.

Also, I didn't even consider GoDaddy.com because Bob Parsons, the founder, is a freaking jackass dutchbag who should never make another dime.
Tags: bad business, Register.com, overcharge, bad marketing