Dear Credit Card Crooks

No, not the dumbasses trying to get you to click their links in fake emails from PayPal and Ebay. No, I'd like to write a short letter to the credit card companies themselves.

Please stop sending me crap credit card offers. Do you really think anyone would accept your shitty deals of 14.94% interest rates? Or that I'd be naive enough to cash your pathetic little $50 check so I can get locked into a 22.94% interest rate on your lame ass card?

Unless you're offering me 16 months of no-interest balance transfers, rewards that are actually attainable (yeah, I'm looking right at you, you piece of shit Discover Card), no annual fees and an interest in the mid to low single digits, then, well, fuck off. My credit is good, I have very little debt and we own a house so please take your shitty little scam offers and put them in a dark warm place where the sun doesn't shine very often.

MBNA sends me at least five credit card offers a week between my PO Box and the street address. It seems to me that they could make a lot more money by not sending out so many bad offers for bad cards. And I love the touch where they have "Please Do Not Discard" printed on the front of the envelope, as if that will keep me from tearing it in half and throwing it in the trash immediately. Hello, dumbasses, that Please Do Not Discard is an easy giveaway for the same old crappy offer you've been making to me for the last two years. Hasn't worked yet and it won't ever work because there's no way I would EVER get a card from a company that spends so much of its time and money sending out bad offers again and again and again in the bizarre hope that they'll eventually just wear people down.

Make no mistake, credit card companies are all about getting their hooks into you and your credit line and then milking you for as much as they possibly can. Finance charges, cash advance interest rates at 25%, hidden fees, "protection" fees and all sorts of other underhanded attempts to get more of your money than they deserve. I am getting rid of as many as I can and only keeping cards that give me what I want, not what they think they can get away with.

And definitely do not ever, ever, ever call me and try to get me sign up for your shitty card offers. Telemarketers are scum, I will treat you as such if you bother me with phone calls. And yes, I've had friends who were telemarketers, they'll readily admit that its a scam-based business.
Tags: , , , ,