4.05.2005

Evolution's the Damnest Thing

or How Can Something Like "The Wiggles" Have Evolved?

It really is amazing to consider that, a hundred years ago, we were just getting started with internal combustion engines. Five hundred years ago, we were just "discovering" America from the people who had settled here a few thousand years before.

Now turn back to now and consider The Wiggles (I linked to the 2nd index because the other home page has a damned loud introduction). Now, I understand that kids love, love, LOVE the Wiggles. My boy likes them well enough but doesn't care for the talking parts much, he likes the music and dancing. Which is fine, Tivo's plenty useful for this as well.

And tonight he up and danced and jiggled himself to the music all on his own, with a great big grin on his face. Either that or he was having a poop, it really is hard to tell sometimes. He held onto my knee for balance but it was all him.

I understand its for him and not me and thats fine and all. But I sit and watch it with him. And its not for me, at all. I find myself analyzing Greg, Anthony, Murray and Jeff and all the others, Captain Feathersword? yoiks dude, what's up?

I find myself watching their eyes. Watching them all to look for signs of something, signs of dissent, signs of inner turmoil, signs of over-with-it-itis. Not to mention the strange and rampant stereotypings.

Jeff's Chinese, Cantonese, I think. And he's a narcoleptic. Hmm, lazy Chinaman? Check.

Anthony's an Aussie, a twinkle in his eye and a penchant for trickery and thievery and gluttony. Nice.

Murray, Murray's a fucking Martian, look at those damned eyes and his ungainly movements. I see more "Holy fuck, what kind of strange, fucked up fucking world have I found myself on, these humans are the most bizarre creatures I've ever come across. And children are very tasty."

And then Greg, Greg who looks like a huge version of everyone's childhood friend. From the surgically enhanced dimples, to the extra gleam in his, boom in his song and just that little bonus shimmy during the dance numbers. Greg's actually a robot, a really, really good one (yes, they make a female version but it costs like $38 million so forget it). There's no chance a real human could behave the way he does show in and show out. Either that or he's the real life Julius from Twins, the original super shake kid, now with extra white, white, white teeth and a can't stop me grin.

I could continue, oh, you don't mind some more? Good.

Captain Feathersword, egads, who comes up with a pirate named Feathersword? I know there were gay pirates but I pretty highly doubt they used feathers for swords or danced for their exercise. And anyone who says "Me hearties" as often as Captain F should be planked up and down the walk, that is, beat about the head and shoulders with a 2x6.

And why is the mute policeman an obvious woman with a badly drawn mustache and enormous feet? What message are they sending? Cops have big feet and feminine bodies and can't talk?

And in spite of it all, in spite of the deeply freaky and disturbing nature of the show to me, I love watching my kid watch it. Because its not for me, not at all.

[Update: And now they are the top income producing entertainers in Oz. They more than tripled their income over the last year to nearlt $35 million. Now they have beaten our Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe and AC/DC as the top money makers for Aussie entertainers. And damnit, I still can't that song "Fruit Salad" out of my head.]

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