3.25.2005

Rules for Peaceful Co-Existence with Thy Neighbors

I am amazed at how incredibly poor some people's interpersonal skills are and how terrible many people's manners are when in a public place.

A good place to start is how you behave in lines. You see, lines (or queues to our Brit pals from across the pond) are a part of life. They suck and it sucks wasting time standing in a line. But that does not, by any stretch, give you the right to jaw away with the teller once you do get served. Get your shit done and move aside so that those other people waiting in the line do not start to wish painful things to happen to you while you talk about what you planted in your garden or the last episode of The Apprentice or, worse, American Idol.

And if you're standing behind me, quit fucking sighing every few minutes as if the world should lay down at your feet. Also, if you're standing behind me and feel the need to slag other people around you, why not just shut the fuck up instead? Or look in the mirror and get a gander at yourself, you aren't any fucking prize, ya fugly bugger.

Here's another good one, if you bump into someone by accident or intentionally, its considered polite to say "Pardon me" or "Excuse me." Or, if you have to walk in front of someone, you should excuse yourself. And if someone says "Excuse me" to you, react. Don't stand there like a statue, allow them space to pass. People at Target last night seemed to have cotton in their ears or just didn't know what the fuck I was saying because they stood their ground like assholes when we tried to move past them. The term is HUA, it means Head Up Ass, wake up and join the rest of the world.

Flower vendors, here's an easy one. BACK. THE. FUCK. OFF. If I want to buy flowers from you, I will. Blocking a parking spot and then hanging around while I get my son out of his car seat in the expectation that I'll buy your flowers is a fuckin' guarantee that you'll never see a penny of mine. And then proceeding to give me an evil stare and glare at my wife means you're treading close to getting your ass kicked. Its not your parking lot, the parking space isn't yours to give away in the hopes that I'll buy your flowers. I know you've gotta sell your flowers and all but being an asshole about really just won't work, at least not on me. And I'll have no problems telling you so.

The last one is the lowest of the low hanging fruit. When you're approaching a traffic light and its already turned yellow and you're still a hundred feet or more from the intersection, stop. By the time you enter the intersection, the light will be red and you will be both breaking the law and pissing off people who have already been waiting to get through the intersection. Its easy, obey the traffic laws and quit acting like the world belongs to you, unless the world really does belong to you and then I'd say upgrade your piece of shit Honda Civic if you've got that kind of jack.

Follow these simple rules and let's all work to improve the quality of our interactions throughout the day. Please, excuse me, thank you, sorry and you are welcome aren't hard to say and they will smooth your way each time.

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